So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
