alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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