he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
