Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
