So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
