How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
