I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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