Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
