Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love you. Go after that dick
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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