My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
