YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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