I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
