just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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