I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
