True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
