We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
