I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
