Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
