I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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