She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
