TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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