He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
