please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
operation have a gay friend backfired
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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