Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dont even know how to be here
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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