I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
