We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
