I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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