Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
