i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
