yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
