Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
