I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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