we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
