you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
