I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
