wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just gift wrapped bread.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
