sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am one with the molecules
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
