she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
