Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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