actually, I'm a sock model
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish my penis had a tongue
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
