Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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