I love black thongs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
