he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
