i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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