Christians are straight up FREAKS
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
