it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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