Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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