i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
