You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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