just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
40s are totally the cure
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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