Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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