The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
