why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How's work?
Spinning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
