oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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